my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
