She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
