The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
