I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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