Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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