spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
