So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
