mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
