tell your sister to shave her snatch
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
