Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we're making bets on your personal life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
