Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
