I didn't shave. On purpose
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
