I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
