This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
