All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
