Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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