wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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