I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
