I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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