He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
