Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont even know how to be here
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
