thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
