Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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