I hate your face
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
