New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
