I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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