you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
