And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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