He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
