you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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