So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize