dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
