What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
