the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
