I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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