At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
