please come you make the beer taste better
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
