I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
