WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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