Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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