Soap is not a condiment
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
