The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
