U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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