that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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