i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
