maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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