So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
