2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
