Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
