Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
