Where is the hickey?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
