If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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