Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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