none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
