oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
