this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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