Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
