she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
