I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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