Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
