I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
