you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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