sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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