Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
