I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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