I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bet he comes in French.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
