why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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