btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
