It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
