TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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