There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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