The brown eye won't let me do that either.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
