this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
