If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
