Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
